John 13:1-17, 31-35 (NRSV)

Jesus Washes the Disciples’ Feet

Now before the festival of the Passover, Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart from this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. The devil had already put it into the heart of Judas son of Simon Iscariot to betray him. And during supper Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going to God, got up from the table, took off his outer robe, and tied a towel around himself. Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was tied around him. He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” Jesus answered, “You do not know now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” Peter said to him, “You will never wash my feet.” Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no share with me.” Simon Peter said to him, “Lord, not my feet only but also my hands and my head!” Jesus said to him, “One who has bathed does not need to wash, except for the feet, but is entirely clean. And you are clean, though not all of you.” For he knew who was to betray him; for this reason he said, “Not all of you are clean.”

After he had washed their feet, had put on his robe, and had returned to the table, he said to them, “Do you know what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord-and you are right, for that is what I am. So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have set you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you. Very truly, I tell you, servants are not greater than their master, nor are messengers greater than the one who sent them. If you know these things, you are blessed if you do them.

The New Commandment

When he had gone out, Jesus said, “Now the Son of Man has been glorified, and God has been glorified in him. If God has been glorified in him, God will also glorify him in himself and will glorify him at once. Little children, I am with you only a little longer. You will look for me; and as I said to the Jews so now I say to you, ‘Where I am going, you cannot come.’ I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

The parade is over (Palm Sunday Last Sunday). The singing and joyous celebrating are now just a memory from Sunday. The palms are all cleaned up, and the city of Jerusalem is quiet. Tonight, we get one last meal with Jesus. But, before the action picks up in Gethsemane tomorrow, we get one last lesson from our Lord.

He tells us to love each other. He doesn’t just give it lip service. He gets down on his knees, pours water into a bowl, and washes the disciples’ dusty feet. This is the love he speaks about. Humble, lowly devotion to the ones you love. It’s a love that carries no glamour. It’s a love that gains you nothing other than sideways glances from others, who would never do something that is beneath them.

Jesus is showing us that love is costly. But more importantly, it is holy. How we love each other echoes an eternity. It is how we identify ourselves as followers of Christ. It is our calling card for the world.

As we, the church, enter into the great three days of Christ’s death and resurrection, I pray we hear this one last lesson about our identity as citizens of God’s Heavenly Reign. People will know us by how we love each other. People will know. People will see where our hearts and our values are by how we fall to our knees and reach out in service to our neighbor. Our promise in Jesus’ resurrection is firm, and our call and identity are clear. When we get to the other side of the big celebration Sunday morning, and those decorations are cleaned up, and we go back out into the world, I pray that this identity shines brightly and clearly.

Prayer:
Lord Jesus, servant of all, we lift up our hearts to your command. Give us the strength to love as you love us. Amen.

Blessings,

Chaplain Rob

Words have the power to heal, encourage, instruct, and bless. Yet too often we use our words to brag, deceive, confuse, and wound. The apostle James wrote, The tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.

The tongue is also a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire ‘no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth comes praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. – James 3:5-10

This should not be! Yet, this restless evil is a stumbling block to us all. So what can you do? James said no one can tame the tongue, so is it a lost cause? Maybe for men, but not for God. Submit your words to the Lord. He alone is able to change our hearts, and therefore, our poisonous words. But are you off the hook? No way. God calls us to strive after Him and bless the people around us. Below are thirteen practical ways to help you communicate without spreading a fire.

1. Avoid the Words “Never” and “Always”
   These words are used when you are frustrated or irritated, but they cause the other person to feel unfairly accused. When you use these words, you are usually exaggerating and not communicating precisely. Using the words “never” and “always” may communicate your frustration, but they hurt the other person by creating defensiveness.
2. Don’t Blame, Shame, or Call Names
   When you feel frustrated, hurt, or angry, you are tempted to strike back. You want the other person to feel what you are feeling. If you can blame or shame the other person, you think you will achieve a degree of satisfaction. But blaming and shaming statements cause both parties to feel miserable and will ultimately hurt the relationship.
3. Use “I” Statements Rather Than “You” Statements
   It is much easier to hear someone say, “I’m feeling frustrated,” than to hear him or her say, “You frustrate me!” “You” statements cause people to feel blamed or accused. They can no longer listen with empathy because their attention is focused on defending themselves. Therefore, “you” statements are counterproductive to healthy, effective communication efforts.
4. Say, “I am Hurt,” Rather Than, “I Am Angry or Mad”
   To increase your intimacy and decrease your aggression, you will want to reduce the number of times you use the words angry and mad. After you have been hurt in some way or another, it is a natural reaction to become angry. But more often than not, your hurt is your primary or root emotion. To communicate most effectively, you will want to express that root emotion. When you become frustrated, irritated, jealous, or hurt in some way, share those feelings rather than say that you are angry. When hurt is expressed, it leads to healing. But anger begets anger! Therefore, it’s best to share your hurt rather than your anger.
5. Take a Time-Out
   If you become angry to the point of losing control or teetering on the edge of saying something purposely hurtful, we recommend that you call for a time-out. This technique protects your relationship from deteriorating further.
6. Don’t Withdraw or Isolate
   When you withdraw or isolate, you hurt the other person. You create a situation where the other person feels ignored, cut off, or abandoned. Withdrawing can be perceived as a way to punish the other person. If you need to withdraw to stay in control of yourself, take a time-out.
7. Repeat to the Person What He or She Said to You Before You Share Your Thoughts, Feelings, or Possible Solutions
   This process involves intentionally listening for the thoughts and feelings of your partner and then repeating them before sharing your thoughts and feelings. Acknowledging what the other person has shared is essential. First, it lets the other person know that you are listening intently, and he or she feels cared for. Second, it provides a way to check on the accuracy of what you heard. It keeps communication clear.
8. Don’t Interrupt
   Give the other person a chance to share. Interrupt only if you need to ask a question to better understand what is being said. It is especially difficult not to interrupt when you hear your partner saying things that hurt you. Your natural tendency is to defend yourself. You may need to bite your tongue to keep from interrupting during these times, but forgo the temptation. You will need to tell yourself that you, too, will get a chance to share your feelings and thoughts, but you must wait until the other person is finished.
9. Don’t Demand
   Rather than demand, ask! Demanding usually results in the other person’s feeling controlled. Since most of us felt controlled by our parents as children, we don’t respond well to demands. Demands can send shivers up our spines or even worse! It is much more effective to ask a question of the other person than to make demands. For example, ask, “Do you think you could?” or “Would you be willing to?”.
10. Use the Phrase “I Would Like.” Rather Than “I Need”
    Rather than say, “I need you to listen to me!” say, “I would like it very much if you would listen to me.” To say, “I need,” is to sound more demanding of a person. Though you may have a legitimate need, it is still better to communicate with a statement of desire.
11. Don’t Use Threats
    Threats can be detrimental to your relationship. You will have an instinctive tendency to use them when you feel hopeless, frustrated, or backed into a corner. Nevertheless, avoid threats at all costs. Call for a time-out, bite your tongue, but don’t use threats. Threats are identified by the keyword “if”:
    –“If you don’t stop nagging, I’ll…”
    –“If you ever do that again, I’ll…”
    Threats should be considered extreme measures that don’t solve conflicts.
12. Be Affirming
    Thank the other person for listening intently. But be sincere! Work very hard at keeping your communication positive. Even when you disagree with what your partner is sharing, you can still thank him or her for communicating thoughts and feelings. You can thank your partner for sticking with the conversation rather than isolating or withdrawing. Someone once told us, “It takes ten positives to balance out one negative,” and we have found this to be true. Force yourself to communicate in affirming ways.
13. Don’t Use the Statement “You Broke the Rule”
    These rules are designed to protect your relationship. Be careful not to use them to beat up or criticize each other. Rather than say, “You broke a rule,” it is better to say something like this:
    –“I felt hurt when you called me irresponsible.”
    –“I felt belittled when you told me I wasn’t smart enough to understand that concept.”
    –“I felt defensive when you told me that I never cared about anyone but myself.”
    “You broke the rule” has a way of shaming the other person because it is a “you” statement rather than an “I” statement. It would be better to say, “I would like us to work as hard as we can to follow our rules. I feel that it really hurts us when we don’t.”

Excerpted from “Let Love Change Your Life” by Roger and Becky Tirabassi

May we always chose our words wisely,

Chaplain Rob